Why

Earlier on tonight and for the last few weeks in fact ive been making a concerted effort to be honest and open about things, particularly in matters of the heart. When something is ambiguous, call it, when something makes you feel sad, say so, when something makes you feel happy, say so, when im not sure what is going on, ask the awkward questions. Kind of applies across the board with life in general. But this strategy has bitten me in the arse as it is seen as boring, or effort, or worse, as hassle. I dont know how people are supposed to win? If you go into it, being honest etc then if takes time and becomes 'effort' which creates bad feelings and then you end up feeling bad, if you leave the ambiguous stuff in you get broken in the end as you probably expected something that wasnt there. Argh. Its a tough call, but i think that being yourself is the main thing, making sure that you are looking after you, because nobody else is going to do it. Except maybe your wee gran...lol

Also, i think i misunderstood confidence. I always thought it was being able to stand up in a crowd or whatever, but i think that actually its more about having the guts to say what you really think and take the hit if things dont go the way you wanted or expected. I have hunches about things all the time but i think the confidence is to act on a hunch and be confident in it. I definitely dont so that, i avoid confrontation, and then when I dont it usually ends with me feeling crappy as opposed to anyone else. This is all the sort of things that creep in when im tired, perhaps its all rubbish. Perhaps im a natural born philisopher, although i doubt it...! Zzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzz